For those wishing to apply as ninjas, please fill out the following form.

SECTION A: General Information

Name: Joseph Santee
Age: 17

1. Are you an orphan?
_Yes
X No
_No, but my father is dead.
_No, but my mother is dead.
_No, but my family hates me.

2. Check one:
X Male
_Female
_Hard to tell

(If you selected female, skip the following question.)

3. Do you have amazing latent ninja powers?
X Yes
_No
_I’m not sure.

(If you are unsure, we will be willing to provide a free examination.)

4. Would you like to have a mentor/father figure?
X Yes
_No, I’m too aloof, cynical and/or untrusting.
_No thanks, I don’t really need one.
_I’ll take several, please!

5. Are you possessed?
_Yes (select one)
_fox demon
_sand demon
_Orochimaru tattoo on shoulder
_temporarily possession by Ino
_unidentified
X No
_No, but my friends think I am.
_No, my eyes are like this naturally.
_I possess others!

6. Do you have spiky hair?
_Yes
X No
_I don’t have hair.

SECTION B: Specific Information
This section is designed to see if your personality is compatible with the Way of the Ninja. Your answers may also affect your village placement.

1. What is your reason for existence? (Select all that apply.)
_Revenge.
_Ramen.
_Killing everyone.
_Being creepy.
_Being a love interest.
_I live for ______(name)!
_HOKAGE!!! (Becoming one, that is…not the actual Hokage.)
_I live purely to annoy everyone.
_Taking over ______(place).
_I’m not telling.
_I have great hair.
_The team needed a third person.
_The team needed a token girl member.
_Training orphaned ninjas.
_Swathing myself in bandages.
_To defeat ______(name)!
_Angst.
X To become strong.
_For people to make fun of my eyebrows/lack of eyebrows.
_They needed a replacement referee.
_Attracting more female/male viewers.
_How should I know!?
X Someone needed a rival.
X Wielding large weaponry.
_Recreational puppetry.
_Wearing fishnet.
_Wait, I need a reason?
_Saying “chou” a lot.
_The main characters needed someone to defeat.
_SASUKE-KUUUUUN!!!
X Food.
_Porn.
_Sasuke porn.
_Reasons are too much trouble.
_Getting killed, apparently.
_Wearing ungodly amounts of mascara.
X To explain, during pauses in battle, what a more important character has just done.
_They needed a 20th person for the reaction shot.
X Yelling others’ names.
_If I were to die, who would take care of my pet(s)?
_Cough syrup tastes good.
_I can’t die until I find my eyebrows!
_To have a manga named after me.
_There is no reason.

2. What are your hobbies? (Select all that apply.)
X Training.
X Training others.
X Fighting.
_Killing.
X Spying.
X Eating.
X Eating ramen.
_Arranging flowers.
X Reading porn.
_Writing porn.
X Researching porn.
_Being perpetually ill.
_Plotting revenge.
_Frolicking with animals/bugs.
_Doing my hair.
_Stalking Sasuke.
_Strapping strange objects to my back.
_Recreational puppetry.
_Acupuncture.
_Frowning.
_Glaring.
X Playing board games.
_Collecting cow-themed ninja wear.
_Transforming into a naked chick.
_Invading other villages.
X Giant swords.
X Giant fans.
_Medicine.
X Having flashbacks.
_Crashing through windows.
_Chewing on a stick.
X Psychology.
_Makeup.
_nail polish
_face paint
_mascara
_lipstick
_Pessimism.
X Pissing others off.
_Swallowing inanimate objects that should not be swallowed.
_Sleeping.
_Losing.

3. Which of the following weapons would you include in your ninja arsenal? (Select all that apply. Abilities with * are heavily restricted, and you may not qualify.)
_Kunai. (Duh.)
X Sword, curved.
X Sword, giant.
_Scythe, small.
_Shuriken, small.
X Shuriken, frickin’ huge.
X Senbon (needles), plain.
_Senbon (needles), with bells.
X Sharingan.*
X Byakugan.*
_My teeth.
X A big stick.
_Leprosy.
X Animate sands of death!*
X Icy mirrors of death!*
_Giant fan of death!
_Bugs of death!*
_A life-size puppet. Of death!
_Entering the opponent’s brain.* Of…wait.
_My pet(s).
_Sound itself!! (Note: Those assigned to Sound only.)
_My shadow.*
X Hand gestures, seals.
X Hand gestures, impolite.
X Lots of copies of me.
_Hallucinations.
_Infectious cough.
_Stretchy appendages.
X My crafty brain. (Note: Best effect when used by smart people.)
_ I don’t need weapons, I’ll just crush them with my body!*
_My fists are weapon enough!
_Arm implants.
_I’ll poke their eye out with my hair!
_Sheer sexiness.
X Cool scrolls.
_This rock I just found.
X Sheer effort.
X Everything I can get my hands on.
X Running away.
_I am a pacifist, and don’t believe in weapons.
X Other people.
X Lots and lots of chakra.
X Glowy things.
X Other (be creative!): Possesses the ability to use other people's abilities against them; can cause people to go temporarily insane with a glance, during which time I can control them

4. Which of the following would be part of your ninja wardrobe? (Select all that apply. Note that a headband is mandatory, and will be provided upon qualification.)
_X A casual jacket.
_A olive-green ninja vest with lots of pockets.
_Bandages.
_Mouth covering.
X Pants.
_Giant shorts.
_Anything bright orange.
_Fishnet.
_Cow-themed ninja wear.
X Leg kunai holster.
_An extra head.
_Geta.
_Flat wooden sandals.
X Modern blue sandals.
_Earrings.
_Makeup.
_nail polish
_face paint
_mascara
_lipstick
_Clown pants.
_Big striped hat.
_Overalls.
_A sash.
X A scarf.
_Conical straw hat.
_Helmet.
X Glasses.
_Chinese shirt.
_Hair bun(s).
X Giant cloak.
_Hokage-wear, complete with giant hat.
_Enormous purple bow.
_Anything with the Kanji for “death” on it.
X Mask, cool-looking.
_Mask, dumb-looking.
_Mask, kitty.
_Pink kimono.
_A haystack.
_Other (Please draw):

5. People describe me as:
X Energetic.
X Annoying.
X Ambitious.
_Hard-working.
_A jerk.
_Evil.
X Nice.
_Shy.
X Weird.
_Scary.
_Vaguely creepy.
_Quiet.
X Loud.
_Violent.
_Funny-looking.
X A pervert.
_Short.
_Large.
X Cool.
X Knowledgable.
X Lazy.
_Stupid.
_Androgynous.
_Motivational.
_Pessimistic.
_Strict.
_Sexy.
_Ill.
_Dead.

6. Write an essay of exactly 500 words explaining your motivation for becoming a ninja. Include a paragraph about the person who most inspires you to be a ninja. The phrase “Sasuke-kun” may not be used.

I can not state my reasons, because they are classified. If you really want to know, shove a stick of dynamite up a donkey's arse. Then, we'll talk about it.

7. Write an essay, of any length, describing every bad thing that has ever happened to you. Include flashbacks. Bonus points will be given for symbolism.

See 6.

Thank you for completing your application for ninjahood. Please drop it of with the nearest Chuunin, and we will get back to you in 2-3 weeks. If you are pursuing the Homeless Orphan option, drop your application on the cold, unforgiving ground and we will send your mentor out to meet you.

I'mma DONE! WOOOOOOOOO I R SO HYPER!!!!!!!!!!!